Monday, June 28, 2010

Monday Morning Matrimony: Communication & Calendars

After years of dating and marriage, one issue my hubby & I are still overcoming is miscommunication, especially when it comes to our schedule. Here's how the conversation goes... ME: "We need to leave here by 5:45" HIM: "Why?!" ME: "To get to Mindy's house by 6" HIM: "WHAT?!" or.... ME: "So what movie are we seeing tomorrow night?" HIM: "I think Mark wants to see Transformers" ME: "Mark??? Mark's going with us?" HIM: "Yes, that is who we have plans with" ME: "No...we have plans with Keith & Kelly for dinner and then a movie. Remember?" Now... to be fair, both of us make mistakes in the communication. It's just that from my point of view, it's usually him. :) haha

So... what can we do? There are a few great suggestions when it comes to our schedules. 

1) Do not commit to any plans without checking with your spouse. This is good practice for many reasons. The first one is that it establishes verbal communication that you are planning something. Secondly, while Dustin & I usually are okay with the plans each other makes, it's not good to get in a habit with not checking with what your spouse wants to do. What if they have a surprise night planned for you? What if they just need a day off? What if they are sick of seeing the person? :) Whatever the reason may be, it's only fair to consult with them before planning their days. This will help you remain respectful of each other in many areas of your relationship - if you just start here. Just say this sentence... "That sounds great! Just let me check with ______"

2) Keep a joint calendar. I have a calendar for all my Relish work meetings, appointments, etc. But Dustin and I have realized we need a joint calendar. The solution for us is a Google calendar. You can share them between as many people as you want and each person can add to the calendar. This way, we have one place to look to see what's going.

3) Schedule dates! Now that you are keeping a joint calendar, why not put on the schedule "cuddle night - just us" or something sweet. That way, when they check the calendar, they will see that and it will be like a little love note. It's also so important to remember to schedule dates for just the two of you to do something special. Schedule it though, otherwise you may end up spacing out to the TV while he plays video games. That's fine sometimes, but it's not nurturing your relationship. Think of it this way - when you go out with friends, you are investing in your frienships. Shouldn't you do the same for the most important relationship you have?

4) Lastly - Learn to say NO. It's great to be social, but we all need down time and time for ourselves. Don't be afraid to say NO. People will understand. Well, not everyone will understand, but you can serve as an example for them. My dear friend Leeann started say no awhile ago. I admit that I didn't always understand, but it served as an example to me. She's a great person with a great heart. I knew she loved me and loves to spend time with us, so her ability to say no wasn't personal - just a confident woman knowing her priorities - knowing not to overbook. People will get used to it and may follow your lead (like I have finally)

I hope these tips help! Enjoy each other, enjoy your friends and enjoy your schedules!!!

1 comment: said...

very good advice for nashville brides to be or any married couple! thanks for taking the time to share.